Dino Baskovic Can't Lose

That was my key takeaway from my self-imposed Facebook moratorium last month. Get a monkey. Fast. And make it update my Facebook account.

I'm far too busy with Twitter now, plain and simple. All that retweeting and hashtagging, it takes work, you know? My Klout is, like, 60 or something. I don't really know what that means, but if it dips to 59, I can't guarantee anybody's safety is all I'm saying. And Quora? I'm posing some really insightful questions on there and suddenly I have all these followers. That's too much responsibility to bear if you ask me. Or Quora.

Never mind how freakin' productive I've been offline. I finished entire chapters of books, refilled prescriptions and cleaned not one but two desks. You try doing that while keeping up with everybody's predictions for Bristol Palin post-Dancing With The Stars. One Saturday, I even thought of subverting a small government. But really, bringing down a dictatorship with Facebook? That'll be the day...

Too much multitasking, man. I love "friending" old friends and all, but I can get a monkey to do that for me while I'm shoveling snow or mulch or whatever it is I'm shoveling that day. Teach it to accept friend requests from only those that owe me favors and believe you me, I do not forget whose bar tab it is next. And when Zuck starts selling my deets to Madison Avenue, I can train my monkey to swing back with a DDOS attack while I eat a club sandwich.

(The monkey will of course make the sandwich, though without the whole wheat crap. Millbrook for me. And that will go on Facebook, too.)

So a helper monkey it is. For Facebook, for sandwiches, for the children. And nobody better touch my monkey.

Oh, I did learn actually learn a thing or two from my Facebook-free February. Nothing earth-shattering. No major epiphany. But plenty of small ones, which I will share in no particular order pretty soon. Or the monkey will share on my behalf. I have yet to decide.

No monkeys were harmed in the posting of this blog.

Here's one thing you can't wake up to with the Sunday paper: last night's "Saturday Night Live" sketches.

Thankfully, there's the online edition of The Detroit Free Press.  The Freep's "Browser" blog, lately one of my favorite web feeds, highlights the inevitable SNL spoof of Toyota's ongoing PR challenges, this time poking fun at the runaway Prius:

I'm sure Toyota is the least bit amused, but it was only a matter of time before SNL would bite.  The parody spot ended with "Ford: We make hybrids too" voiced over a Ford logo, though I doubt Bill Ford, Jr. saw any humor in it.

Add it to the heap of problems facing the Japanese automaker.  Granted, the Prius case is drawing questions about the accuser and his troubled financial past.  Even SNL cast member Kenan Thompson found himself in the crosshairs this morning after the spot ran.

I am still rooting for Toyota.  It may be years before the company fully recovers from the recalls, and the situation will continue to get worse before it gets better.  If anything, the SNL ad, whether or not you found it funny, is part of the healing process.

And now, back to Crankshaft...

I was always a casual fan of Conan O'Brien and never really a huge follower.  I honestly had no idea he wrote for SNL, though he was responsible for infamous "Nude Beach" sketch and even reared his reddy head as the doorman of the "Five-Timers Club."  Nor did I give him and sidekick Andy Richter much thought on his old "Late Night" stint until he suddenly stumbled upon street cred.  While Leno and Letterman wrestled for the 11:30 heavyweight belt, Conan quietly built himself some loyalty which would one day turn into "Tonight Show" royalty.

That is, for seven whole months.  NBC really knows how screw the pooch and they've had some practice.  Let 'em lick their wounds, I really don't care.  They got their white-haired has-chin back and he and Dave can safely resume their race to irrelevancy.  As for Conan, well, let's just say I suddenly have a new hero.  He remained a class act throughout this entire debacle, ensured a safety net for his staff and sailed away with a boat load of cash and public favor.  Not bad for a week's work, albeit his last.  And Johnny Carson couldn't have delivered a better farewell speech:

All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.  Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

Wow, nice.  And if you gotta have more cowbell, fear not the reaper: Hulu.com preserved his final show for another few weeks.  Tom Hanks, Steve Carell, Neil Young and Will Ferrell and friends send out Conan in style.

See you in September, "CoCo."  Oh, and make mine half-caf...

I have a sense of humor.  I really do.  And I, ahem, read the articles.  But why Marge Simpson is posing for Playboy is beyond me.

Maybe Murdoch hopes to rejuvenate the "Simspons" brand.  Or is it Hef hoping to lure Maxim readers back through the rabbit hole?  For that matter, didn't Maxim have the dirt on Marge back in '04, making Playboy guilty of copycat-- er, copybunnying?

CNN sauces it up:

Playboy's lackluster showing as of late can be attributed to two things, [Media Industry Newsletter online editor-in-chief Steve] Cohn said. One, the audience transferred some of their desire for tastefully disrobed women to the Web. Second, Hugh Hefner got old.

"The reason for their audience shift can be seen in Hugh Hefner. I went to college in the '70s and Hefner was in his 40s back then. He was the symbol for what kind of guy I wanted to be," Cohn said. "Now he's in his 80s -- it's hard to identify with someone like that. That's a problem for Playboy."

Almost makes you wonder if a good chunk of the Twitter generation has even heard of Hugh Hefner.  Regardless, it's harmless fun and PEI expects to sell out the issue to honorary citizens of Springfield across the globe.  I will say that, in doing extremely NSFW research for this article, I was impressed to see use of social media tools throughout the site, including a slick AJAX toolbar resting at the bottom of the browser chrome chock full of widgets.  (Ah, there I go talking like a web geek again...)

It plays well for FOX, too.  They shot some carrot juice into a 20-year-old brand competing with the "Girl Next Door" and the rest of the Griffins.  The two shows trade friendly barbs on-air while jockeying for top-of-hour Sunday night slots, and it's fun to watch who's winning (answer: FOX).  Aside from cancelling "Family Guy" twice, taking a chance on Seth MacFarlane proved to be pivotal in building needed street cred for the "fourth" network.  Two decades ago, BBSes were long-living Matt Groening.  Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this conversation and the voice of Quahog wouldn't be pitching Windows 7.

Alas, at least one blogger agrees with me that another TV mom should be in the spotlight.  God Bless Animation Domination.

Much has been squawked about "Saturday Night Live" and its most recent opening sketch, in which cast member Fred Armisen portrays a beleaguered Barack Obama conceding broken campaign promise after promise.

I thought Ed Rollins' commentary was on the money:

Humor with some truth in it is always dangerous. Make no mistake, a drumbeat of belittlement can damage a president.

President Gerald Ford, a gifted athlete, could never overcome the image of a bumbling, clumsy man who banged his head constantly after the hilarious portrayal of him by Chevy Chase. The senior Bush, George H.W., was brilliantly played by Dana Carvey, and more viewers remember our 41st president as the goofy, inarticulate caricature than as a serious man who served his country in many positions.

But the real question being debated on cable TV because of the "SNL" parody is this: "Has the media's love affair and honeymoon with President Obama ended?"

Great question, Ed.  As his own network illustrated, "SNL" has effectively forced that answer since the Ford administration (though, perhaps CNN made its point too well).  Anyway, I said earlier today on Facebook that "I suspect liberals will hastily lash out at this while convervatives wrongly praise it, but [the Rollins piece] is about the fairest assessment I've come across [of] Obama in office to date."  Judging by the sketch going viral overnight with the media pundits on patrol, that may very well be the case.  Not having a heckuva lotta patience for punditry, I shan't posit a pun; however, I do have one beef with last Saturday's opener.

That being?  Fred Armisen.  He's mildly amusing, meaning: not that funny.  None of his recurring characters are all that memorable, and how he parlayed "Aqua Teen" into a coveted repertory role is beyond me.  His Obama impersonation is below average, garnering chance laughs at best thanks to sight gags and what I assume to be a merciful studio audience.  Still, it's a presidential spoof and that's what SNL does well.  Or does it?

As Rollins stated, Chevy Chase's portrayal of Ford was plain stupid.  Darrell Hammond's Bill Clinton was more silly than funny, and never matched the sheer genius that was Phil Hartman's study of Slick Willy.  (Note to Hammond: leave already.)  And while nobody questions that Tina Fey pummeled Sarah Palin or that Comedy Centrail derailed the "Straight Talk Express," I'm not so sure that Lorne Michaels can make or break a presidency like he once could. 

Whether you agreed with the message, the sketch was weak.  In my humble opinion, Hulu is the real hero.  Sans video sharing, the segment would've rolled over like Liberty, a reference far too old for today's technorati.

In the old days, 30 Rock commanded a presence at the polls.  Anymore, they'd need to hire a modern day Sterling Cooper.

Or Rollins.  After all, he canvassed for a Kennedy.